been a while since i wrote.

NIE is busy. in a good way i guess. i really enjoy my time here. (really? haha..) at least the content i guess.. stretch my thinking.. about maths.. how to teach maths.. education as a whole.. what are some of my teaching philosophies etc..

but somehow.. i feel something is missing? a little bit of the human touch? guess i wrote abt sth like this before. but u actually feel worse when u are in a situation where you shld have friends or at least see many people having friends to hang out but you dont, as compared to being alone in an env when people are alone. haha.. somehow.. sth feels weird.. although i still like being alone and stuff and many NIE student-teachers are moving ard alone.. is it hall? a place where there are so many ra-ra activities.. OGs and all that i feel i am too old and not part of any action?

or is it just me.. getting really lazy to mingle and stuff.. really a come what may attitude. at least i took the initiative to start convo with peeps living opp me.. so.. i dont know. haha.. then again.. meeting new people so what? had a little gmail chat with zhaoqi yesterday.. we agreed its abt meeting interesting people.. more like people u can connect and talk abt stuffs? esp when i am no longer an undergrad and hence my life dont revolve ard Hall DnD, orientation camp committee and lectures and stuff.. and zhaoqi said the best places to meet new people are churches n clubs. haha.. and we both dont go such places. sadly? i said the best place to meet interesting people is to go to interesting places. maybe just camp there and wait till some cool dude walks past n say hi?

but.. more imptly.. why the need for such human interaction? is it being just human? the case where no man is an island? or have the circumstances ard me changed? to what?! or have i lost the human touch to connect with new people anymore? to build on new friendships? or am i just being in my own world and thinking abt weird stuff all day long. haha.. or perhaps i am dismissing new people too quickly.. too fast to look at how different they are.. this one too self centred. this one too superficial.. this one too bimbo.. this one know nothing abt arts..

i need to find my inner peace, inner piece of zen.

perhaps the root lies still with my expectations of myself and others.. shld do a PhD on this.. haha.. seriously have been troubling me since a long time ago.. really must learn to let down my expectations abit. shall go borrow a book if i can find about expectations. haha..

or maybe i shld focus more on old friends whom i have not contacted for some time.. that might be a better strategy. oh wells.. found a new post rock band! album leaf.. serious in  love with them.

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