haven been there for a while.

busy.dancing.thinking.moving.

i think alot happened recently.

at least.tts wad i think. in the always melodramatic, grey, occasionally weird, trying to be good, mind.

of dance.education.purpose.people.

good people.not so good people. and evil people.

always struggled with bad people.

why.

really why. is there so much unfairness in this world. too many views. perspectives. motives. intentions.

i’m tired. of trying. to think for everyone.. trying to see the good despite my instincts not to. seeing the big picture. helping the club. i know this is probably an impulse. an impulse from having just watched ‘never let me go’. perhaps. its a trigger. a reminder. a waking up call. that… ‘so what, weizhi? nothing is gg to work. u lost, u lost.’ but thing is i never wanted to win anything. every other day i think of the club i cant help but feel sadness. so much so i have to tell myself to not feel anything so as to cont to dance further. detach myself. my emotions. ignore whatever is happening in front of my two eyes. pretending. sth i am never good at anyway. i think it reached a point. the point telling me its useless. its too painful. its time. to move on. its a pity. i had such aspirations n hopes. and attachment. but perhaps the seed was planted a year ago. a decaying seed. which happen to finally be  discovered by myself again one year later.

no more finger pointing. no more disappointment. no more hopes. i think i really had enough. maybe the truth is not wad it seems. maybe its all happening in my head. maybe. i dont want to feel helpless again. feels like i am ‘asking for it’. maybe its time to think of my own feelings. u guys dont care for them anw.

i really want to live the life i want to live. selfish or not. i think it will hurt for a while. but time, my old friend, will wash it down slowly. eventually.

there is never fairness in this world. there never should actually. i think its been a while since i come so close to tearing. to be positive, it means i am still sentimental n emotional. which is kinda good i guess. but perhaps its time to move on. impulse or not. always wanted to try sth diff anw. one more last task n yeah.. enough.